Parenting Cannot Be Delegated

Source: blog.islamiconlineuniversity.com

By: Nisaar Nadiadwa

I was a guest at one of my friend’s place. This was a very rich man and he had a young son. While we were sitting, his son offered me a glass of water. The father retaliated: “Can’t you even greet with Salams!” I could clearly see the man’s eyebrows frowning and the little kid shivering. The child mumbled ‘Assalamualaikum’ in a shivering voice . Later, I corrected my friend that he was wrong in insulting his son and he should read the biography of the Prophet  on how he taught children, tolerated their mistakes and corrected them without getting angry.

Like any skill, you need to put in effort to develop the art of parenting with immense passion, tolerance and cheerfulness. If you want to establish good qualities like generosity, hospitality and helpful nature in your child, you have to master them yourself and then demonstrate the same in front of your child in order to teach them. The results will be quicker and pleasing. An angry and short tempered father cannot train his child to be cheerful and tolerant. Even if he dictates these lessons, the subconscious mind of the child will reject them because he did not see those lessons in his own father.

Had a math teacher not demonstrated the method of solving problems, the students would have surely found it difficult to solve them. That is why good schools are not graded on the basis of good furniture and decorated walls but on the basis of  how kindly the teachers teach. Similarly, good parenting cannot be graded by the qualities of dining tables and furniture in your house but by how you demonstrate good values as a form of teaching. If you want to teach math, then you have to master mathematics. If you want to teach good manners, then you have to be a master in manners yourself.

If you want to teach math, then you have to master mathematics. If you want to teach good manners, then you have to be a master in manners yourself1

Good habits in a child cannot be cultivated by scolding them with frowning eyebrows. It has to be applied with motivation. The Daddy of today wants his boss to encourage him and motivate him to be more productive. He has to realize that he has to invest the same motivation back home on his family. If he needs motivation, then so does his wife and children.  The productivity of a family includes akhlaq, top graded behavior and correct attitude towards people around them. It comes in the form of encouragement, not insult.

Children are like customers. They will respond to your offers and suggestions only if they have that trust in you and find your presentations appealing1

Children are like customers. They will respond to your offers and suggestions only if they have that trust in you and find your presentations appealing. How you present a Sunnah is just as important as the Sunnahitself. If we have Sunnah to teach, then we should have certain methods to teach them as well, which sadly, many parents ignore. There is a difference between knowing something and knowing how to do something. If we reflect upon our school memories, most of our favorite teachers were those who made learning easy and engrossing.

Teaching values to children is also an art as it involves thoughtful communication and convincing replies to issues that bother teenagers. The contemporary children are sagaciously aware of their spiritual and emotional requirements. Anything inadequate or lesser than their Emotional Quotient is not acceptable to them. There is an acute dearth of quality teaching of Tarbiah in growing kids. This is a global deficit felt everywhere from Malaysia to America.

One of the biggest reasons for the widening gap between children and parents is the absence of communication. Parents dont talk to their children for more than half an hour in a day. Today’s children are more demanding and intelligent. Even their emotional quotient has gone up along with a boom in information technology.  While parents of today have been focusing only on providing academic education and luxury, the emotional needs of children are often neglected. Many parents are failing to identify their children’s problems. Many do not even realize that the child is asking for an emotional attention. Many parents are failing to read their children’s emotional language.

Successful parenting is not about accomplishing big projects like arranging a whopping amount of fees for your children’s education or providing cars and branded commodities to them, but it is about succeeding in inculcating small traits like good habits and self-management in your child.

Successful parenting is not about accomplishing big projects like arranging a whopping amount of fees for your children’s education or providing cars and branded commodities to them, but it is about succeeding in inculcating small traits like good habits and self-management in your child. You have to diversify your efforts in various fields of parenting. It could be regarding your own modesty and observing hijab amongst the non-Mahrams of your family and friend circle. It could be your disposition or manner of talking to others that needs attention. Don’t forget to nourish your children with halal means, no matter how meager it is. Demonstrate an excellent behavior towards your parents, grandparents and other elderly relatives. If you are hygienic, then it is probable that your children will also observe this and adopt a hygienic lifestyle. They will model themselves in the way you keep your wardrobe clean and fix up the bookshelves. But, if you yourself intermingle with the opposite sex, frequently backbite about your own relatives, not mind haram income or don’t have time to accompany your parents to the doctor, then, unfortunately, you are on the negative side of the parenting graph.

The important concern is not whether you are performing parenting or not, but it is whether you are carrying it out properly or not. Do not delegate this vital responsibility to your babysitters or to your own parents or to some school and local teachers. It is your job and you have to deal with it. If done correctly, PARENTING IS EASY, you don’t have to work on your children. All you have to do is work on your selves to see results in your children.