ESTABLISHING AN ISLAMIC FAMILY
“And Allah has made for you from your homes a place of rest” [Soorah an-Nahl (24): 80]
Allah mentions His complete favor upon His slaves from what He has created for them in regards to their houses being places of tranquility. They are places of refuge, screening and of benefit from all aspects.
A house for us is a place of eating, marriage, sleeping and rest. A place of privacy, meeting one’s wife and children, a place to safeguard oneself. It is a place of security from evil and protection from the people.
Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Safety for a man in times of tribulations is to stay in his home.” Hasan – Related by Tabaree in al-Aswat from Thawbaan (radhi allahu anhu) and it is also in Saheeh ul-Jaami (3824)
Most importantly, a home is an important means towards building the Muslim community. The society is made up from home and it is the origin. The home is life and the life is society. If the home is strong then the community will be strong in implementing the laws of Allah, resisting the aims of the enemies of Allah, to spread good and to stop evil from penetrating.
What is required is callers who are guides, students of knowledge, sincere mujaahideen, a righteous wife, mothers who can educate etc. to be born out of our Muslim homes and then go into the society in order to reform it.
Hence, if this subject is so important and our homes have evil and large deficiencies, negligence and carelessness thus comes the question: ‘What are the ways in which we can reform our HOMES?’
So, O noble reader! Here, we try to address the advice on establishing an Islamic HOME, hoping that Allah benefit us with it and vive us direction to strengthen Islam by reviving the Muslim HOME. The advice takes two forms: 1) To achieve reform by enjoining the good and 2) to block the corruption by removing the evil.
Choosing the Right Partner
Righteous husband and wife share the primary and most important step towards building a Righteous Islamic HOME. The righteous man with the righteous woman can both build a righteous HOME because the good abode will bear its fruits with the permission of Allah. That which is bad will produce nothing except misery. Allah, says in the Qur’aan:
“And marry the unmarried among you who are single (i.e. man who has no wife and a woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the ‘Salihun’ (pious, fit, capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty.” [Soorah An-Nahl (24): 32]
For the Man
It is very important to be very careful in choosing a righteous wife as Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The whole world is a place of enjoyment and the best enjoyment is a righteous wife.” Muslim no. 1468 and An-Nisaee from Ibn Amr and Saheeh al-Jaame (3407)
“A righteous wife who will help you in religious and worldly affairs is better than all the treasures the people have collected.” Ahamd 5/282 at-Tirmidhee and Ibn Majah from Thawbaan. Saheeh ul-Jaami 5355
Just as the righteous wife is from the good things, bad woman is one of the difficult things, as is stated in the authentic hadeeth:
“From the joys of a righteous woman is when you look at her she pleases you, when you are away from her, she safeguards herself and your wealth. From the difficulties of a bad woman is when you look at her she displeases you and she answers you back, when you are away from her she does not safeguard herself and you wealth.” Ibn Majah 1861 and others. See Silsilah as-Saheehah 282
One should bear in minds the following condition specified by the Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) in choosing a wife:
“A woman is married for four reasons; her wealth, her family, her beauty and her faith. So, marry the one who is religious and you will prosper.” Saheeh al-Bukharee vol.9 no. 132.
He (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) also said: “Marry women who are loving and prolific in giving birth, as I shall outnumber the other Prophet’s (nation) through you.”Ahmad 5/245. Al-Albaane said it is authentic in Irwaa al-Ghaleel 6/195
For the Woman :
Likewise, a woman must look at the condition of the proposer who comes for her. His suitability should be according to the following conditions:
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “If somebody comes to you and you are pleased with his character and religion then marry him. If you do not, there will be discord on earth and widespread corruption.” Ibn Majah 1967. See Slsilah as-Saheehah
This great Hadeeth demonstrate as to what should be the most important character a woman should look for when selecting a husband: they being good character and piety. Wealth and lineage are secondary considerations.
Furthermore, the person of religion and good behavior may be a blessing for her and her children. She may learn manners and religion from him. If he does not have these characters then she should stay away from him, especially if he is one of those who is lax with respect to performing the prayers.
Obligation of Living with one’s wife in Kindness
It is binding upon the husband to live with his wife in the best way possible and to be lenient to her in everything that Allah has permitted. There are various ahadeeth concerning this issue:
1) Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wives, and I am the best of you towards them” [Authentic At-Tahawee]
2) The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said in the farewell Hajj: “Listen and take my counsel with regards to women. Be good to them for they are captives with you. You possess nothing to them other than this, unless they commit some flagrant (deliberate) obscenity. If they do then separate the beds (do not have sexual relations with them) and beat them but in a way that does no injury. If they return to obedience, then seek no further retribution. You have rights over your wives and your wives have rights over you. As for your rights over your wives, they are that no one disliked by you should sit on your bed, and they admit no one into your home who you dislike. Yes, and their rights over you is that you are very good to them in providing them dress and their food.” [Authentic at-Tirmidhee and Ibn Majah]
3) He (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Let no male believer ever hate a female believer. Though he may dislike one of her attribute, he will be pleased with another” [Saheeh Muslim]
4) He (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The believer with most complete faith is the one with the best character and the best of those are those who treat their wives in the best.” [Hasan – Tirmidhee]
Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam), one with best of morals and character, not only advised the Muslim husbands to be good to their wives but he had indeed established an excellent behavior with his wives as clear by the following narration:
1) On the authority of Aa’ishah (radhi allahu anhu) who said: ‘On the Eid, the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) called me while the Ethiopians were playing with their spears in the masjid saying: “O little red one! Would you like to watch them?” I replied ‘Yes.’ Then, he had me stand behind him and dropped his shoulders, so that I could see. I rested my chin on his shoulders with my face against his cheek, and I watched over his shoulders. He kept saying: “Haven’t you had enough?” I kept saying: ‘No in order to test my status with him, until finally I had enough…’ [Saheeh al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim and others]
2) On the authority of Aa’ishah (radiyallahu anha), who said: ‘The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) returned from the battle of Tabook or it was Khaybar. There was a curtain over my room. The wind blew, lifting the curtain and exposing a part of my room in which, Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) saw some dolls with which Aa’ishah (radhi allahu anhu) used to play. He said: “What is this O Aa’ishah?” She replied ‘my daughters (Arabs used to call dolls, daughters). He saw among them a horse with two wings made out of a piece of cloth. He said: “What is this?” She replied: ‘A horse’ He said: “and what are those on the horses?” She replied: ‘Two wings’ He said: “A horse with two wings?!” Aa’ishah said: ‘The Prophet laughed until I could see his molar teeth.’ [Authentic – Abo Dawood An Nisa’ee in Al-Ishrah]
3) Also on the authority of Aa’ishah (radhi allahu anhu) who reported that she was once on a trip with the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) while still a young girl. She said: ‘I had not acquired excess body flesh, nor had my body become large. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said to his Companions: Move on ahead. When they had gone on ahead of us, he said: Come, and I will race you. Then I beat him in a foot race.’
‘Later on, I was on another trip with him, and he again said to his Companions: ‘Go on ahead.’ Then, he said to me:’ I will race you.’ I had completely forgotten the previous incident. Moreover, I had become heavier. She asked: How can I race you, when I am in this condition? He replied: You will race me! So, I raced him, and he won the race. Then he began laughing and said: This is for that victory.‘ [Authentic – Al-Humaydee, an-Nisa’ee in al-Ishrah and Aboo Dawood]
8) Also on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah, (radhi allahu anhu) who said: the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) used to be brought a glass of milk from which I would drink first, even though I was menstruating. Then he would take the glass and drink, putting his mouth on the same spot, where my mouth had been. At other times, I used to take a piece of meat and eat from it. Then he would take it and eat, putting his mouth on the same area on which I had put mine. [Saheeh Muslim and Ahmad]
On the authority of Jaabir bin Abdullah (radhi allahu anhu) and Jaabir bin Umar, both reported that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said:
“All things in which there is no mention of Allah are frivolity, absent-mindness and idle play except for four things: a man being playful with his wife, training his horse, walking between two purposeful goals and teaching another man to swim.” [An-Nisa’ee in al-Ishrah and at-Tabaree]
Obligation on Woman to Obey Her Husband
It is important for the woman to be obedient to her husband within the range of her capacity, because Allah has favored men over women, as shown in the previously mentioned verses, that they have a degree over them. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) shed light on this important issue saying:
“By the One in whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam), no women has fulfilled her obligations to her Lord, until she has fulfilled her obligations to her husband, even if he were to ask her when she is mounted on the saddle, she should not refuse his request” [Authentic Ibn Majah and Ahmad]
He (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) further elaborated this issue making clear to us the duties of a righteous wife towards her husband and the rewards of her obedience to him:
1) “If a woman prays the five prayer, guards her private parts (from anything illegal), and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any door she wishes.” [Authentic – at-Tabaree in al-Aswat and ibn Hibban]
2) On the authority of Hussian bin Muhsan (radhi allahu anhu) who said: ‘My aunt narrated (a hadeeth) to me, saying: ‘I came to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) for some need of mine. He (radhi allahu anhu) said: “How are you towards your husband?” She said: ‘I do not fall short in anything except which I am unable to do. Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Well look to your position in relation to him, for it is the key to Paradise and Hell.”’ [Authentic – at-Tabaree in al-Aswat and ibn Hibban]
3) The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “It is not allowed for a woman to fast in the presence of her husband except with his permission, except in Ramadaan, and she may admit no-one in his house except with his permission” [Saheeh al-Bukhari and others]
4) The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Whenever a man calls his wife to their bed, but she refuses to come, letting him spend the night angry with her, she is cursed by Angels until the morning.”
In another narration: “Until she goes to him until he forgives her” [Saheeh al-Bukhari and Saheeh Muslim]
Words of Advice to Husband and Wife
1. To be compliant, co-operative and conciliatory towards one another, to advise each other and urge each other towards obedience to Allah, the Most High and the Most Blessed, following all of His Rulings, which have been clearly established in the Qur’aan and the Sunnah. These must never be superseded by blind following of any custom or school of thought, which has predominated among the people. Allah, the Most High says:
“It is not fitting for a believing, man and woman, when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger, to have an opinion about their decision; if anyone disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he is indeed on a clearly wrong path.” [Soorah al-Ahzab: 36]
2.Each of them should fully carry out the duties and responsibilities with which Allah has obliged on them towards one another. The Qur’aan deals with the role of men and women in the following verses:
“Men are protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in their husbands absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. chastity, their husbands property, etc.) As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, and at last beat them (lightly, if it is useful) but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.” [Soorah An-Nisa (4): 34]
The Divine injunction describes man as Qawwam (maintainer) and the women as Qanitah (obedient) Hafizatun lil Ghaib (preserver of the secret). This verse give two reasons as to why men are described as maintainer. Firstly, because
‘Allah has made one of them to excel the other’ which means that He has excelled men to be physically stronger and more inclined to have a career outside the home.
The second reason is that “they spend from their means” it is the man’s duty to provide financially for his family and it is also the man who is required to give a dower to his wife at the time of marriage.
The husbands, thus have been put in charge of his home, but this is a responsibility and not a privilege. His duty is to do justice, to consult the duties of the family and to refrain from tyranny.
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Those who do justice will be on thrones of light at Allah’s right Hand, and both of Allah’s Hands are right Hands; those who were just in their ruling with their families and in all which they were given authority.” [Saheeh Muslim]
The different roles of sexes means that never is one burdened with all the duties while the other enjoys all privileges. Instead they both have individual duties and privileges, and both make sacrifice in order to win the pleasure of Allah. The Qur’aan says in this regard:
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty and All-Wise.” [Soorah Al-Baqarah (2): 228]
Mu’aawiyah ibn Haidah (radhi allahu anhu) said: “O Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihe wa-sallam), what rights do our wives have on us? The Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) replied:
“That you should feed them as you feed yourselves, never invoke ugliness upon them (this refers to the custom of the Arabs before Islam of saying to their wives in anger: May Allah make your face ugly) never strike them on their face, and in boycotting the marital bed do not go outside the house to sleep. How (could you do any of these) when you have entered into one another, so do only that which is allowed with regards to her (for valid reasons)” [Authentic Related by Ahmad]
And when they both of them having faith, know and practice the right and duties of each other, Allah the Most High, authorizes for them a good life as long as they remain together in the bliss of happiness. Allah says in the Qur’aan: “Whoever works righteous, man or woman, and has faith to Him We will give a new life, a life which is good and pure and We will bestow on them their rewards according to the best of their actions.”[Soorah An-Nahl: 97]
Abridged from Advice on Establishing an Islamic Home by Aboo Ubaidah Amr bin Basheer
“Making the House into a place of Remembrance”
“I did not create Jinn and mankind except for My worship”
[Soorah adh-Dhariyaat: 56]
After establishing the most important factor towards building a righteous Islamic HOME: the body – comprising the spouses, their collaboration with each other and compliance to the laws of Allah, the Exalted, comes the next important step – giving life to it, through the remembrance of Allah and His worship, since the body without life is futile and inefficient of yielding any benefit, according to the explanation of Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam), in describing the two categories of houses: “The example of the home in which Allah is remembered and the home in which Allah is not remembered, is like comparing the living and the dead” [Saheeh Muslim (1/539)]
This task can take several forms remembrance by the means of the heart, the tongue like reciting His Book, praising Him, prayers, reciting specific Du’aa mentioned by His Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) etc: Following, are some ways that assist in establishing the Islamic environment in our HOMES:
Performing voluntary prayers in the house
Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “The best prayer of the man is in his home except the obligatory prayer.” [Abu Dawood]
He also said: “The voluntary (prayer) in the home is better then the voluntary (prayer) with the people. It is like the (obligatory) prayer of the man in congregation being better than praying (the obligatory) by himself.” [Ibn Abee Shaybah and Saheeh al-Jamee (2953)]
Prayer for Stopping or Lodging Somewhere
“Audhu bikalimatillahi tammati min sharri ma khalaq”
“I take refuge with Allah’s Perfect Words from the evils that He has created” [Saheeh Muslim (3/1599)]
Prayer for entering the HOME
“When a man enters his home and he remembers the Name of Allah, the Most High, while entering and also when he eats, Shaytaan says: ‘There is no place for you to spend the night here and there is no food to eat here’ If he enters his home and does not remember the name of Allah while entering; Shaytaan says: ‘There is a place for you to spend the night. If he does not remember the name of Allah while eating he says: ‘There is a place for you to eat and spend the night” [Saheeh Muslim 3/1599]
Aaisha (radhi allahu anhu) said that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) used to start with the siwaak when he entered the Home. [Saheeh Muslim]
Prayer for Leaving the HOME
“If a man leaves his HOME and says: ‘In the Name of Allah, I place my trust in Allah and there is nor power except with Allah.
“Bismillah tawakkaltu ala Allah wa la Hawla wa la Kuwwata illa bi-Allah”
It will be said to him: ‘You are guided, defended and protected’ Shaytaan will go away from him and another Shaytaan will say to him: ‘Think! How can you deal with a man who has been guided, defended and protected” [Abu Dawood, Tirmidhee and Saheeh al-Jaami 499]
Before entering Toilet
“Allahumma inni audhubika minal Khubthi wal-Khabaaith”
“O Allah, I take refuge with You from all evil and evil-doers” [Bukharee and Muslim]
After Leaving the Toilet
“gufranak” “I ask you Allah for forgiveness” [Abu Dawood]
Regular recitation of Soorah al-Baqarah
The Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “Do not turn your homes into graves as the Shaytaan flees from the homes where Soorah al-Baqarah is recited” [Saheeh Muslim (1/539)]
And: “Recite Soorah al-Baqarah in your homes as Shaytaan does not enter a home where soorah al-Baqarah is recited” [Haakim in al-Mustadrak 1/561 Saheeh al-Jaame (1170)]
He also mentioned the merits of reciting the last two verses of Soorah al-Baqarah, when he said:“Indeed, Allah, the Most High, wrote a book before He created the Heavens and the earth by two thousand years and it is by the Throne. He sent down from it two verses to finish Soorah al-Baqarah with them. If they are recited in an abode for three nights the Shaytaan will not come near it” [Ahmad in as-sunnah (4/274) and Saheeh al-Jaami]
Teaching the Family
“O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stone” [Soorah at-Tahreem: 6]
Teaching and educating the family is a duty of the head of the household. The above-mentioned verse teaches the main principle of education: it being ordering the good and forbidding the evil.
Ali (radhi allahu anhu) said about this verse: “Teach them (family) and show them good manners.”
Al-Bukhari (rahimahullah) brings in his Saheeh under the title: ‘Men teaching their female servants, and wives’
“Three will have two rewards… and a man who had a female servant and taught the best of the good manners and gave her the best education, then freed her and married her, he will have two rewards”
Ibn Hajr explains this Hadeeth by saying: “The chapter heading corresponds to the hadeeth in regards to the female servants being mentioned. As for the wives it is through analogy (similarity, correspondence), because it is more important to teach the wives duties prescribed by Allah and the Sunnah of Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) than the female servant.” [Fath al-Baaree (1/190)]
Men should spare a day for his family from his busy schedule and establish regular sittings with his family; if possible these sittings must also include relatives. Encouraging them and being strict to their attendance one should make them stick to it. Al-Bukharee (rahimahullah) writes in his saheeh relating from Aboo Sa’eed al-Khudree (radhi allahu anhu): “The women said to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam): ‘The men have taken all your time, so give us a day from yourself. So he promised them a day for a meeting to admonish and order them”
Thus, female education is also very important.
These sittings must teach them basic Islamic laws: like the Fundamentals of Tawheed in Islam, Negating Shirk, shunning Innovations etc. Also Laws of Purification, prayer, zakaat, fasting etc.. Along with these they must be instructed with all Islaamic etiquettes: etiquettes of eating and drinking, clothing and adornment, the actions of fitrah, who is a mahram, rules regarding photography, singing…etc. Their schedule must also include Islamic gatherings.
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “May Allah have mercy upon a man who stood at night and prayed, then he wakes up his wife and she prayed. If she refused he sprinkles water upon her face.” [Ahmad and Abu Dawood ]
It is also related from Aishah (radhi allahu anhu) that Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) used to pray at night and when he prayed the witr he would say: “Stand and pray the witr. O A’ishah” [Saheeh Muslim (6/23)]
Educating the Children
Educating the Children should be done from the early age, starting with the Qur’aanic memorization, supplications, etiquettes and manners; like what to say upon sneezing, eating, sleeping, going to the toilets etc.
They should be related stories of the Prophets of the past nations and specifically our Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam). They must be sent to Islamic schools, which include Qur’aan classes, they must be taught the language of the Qur’aan. One may also reward them financially for the completion of each step in their program. One should be very careful about whom they mix with and who they be friend. As children pick up bad manners and bad language from their surrounding.
The Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “The example of a good companion in comparison with a bad one, is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith’s bellow; from the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell, while the bellows would either burn your clothes or your house, or you get a bad nasty smell from it.” [Saheeh Bukharee] Also their toys must be selective, so as to avoid the unlawful.
Establishing a Library in Your Home
An Islaamic library should be set-up in the HOME, in order to aid the family, to widen their scope in understanding the religion and help them to adhere to the shari’ah rules.
It is not necessary to make it like a public library, but enough resources to benefit the children, the elders, both men and women, relatives and guests. It is also important to locate it in a place where it is easily accessible. It is best to have books and cassettes of reliable scholars, on the issues of Islamic Creed, Qur’aan and its Sciences, Hadeeth and its Sciences. Books regarding etiquettes in Islam, Character, Biography of our Noble Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam), his Companions (radhi allahu anhu) and previous Prophets (alaihi as-salaam).
Some recommended books
Islaamic Creed – Explanation of the creed by Imaam al-Barbaharee | Kitaab at-Tawheed by Shaykh ibn abu al-Wahhab |The Salaf’s Guide to the Understanding of Fate in Islam by Dr. Saleh as-Saleh | Tawassul Its Types and Ruling by Shaykh Naasir ad-Deen Al-Albanee.
Qur’aan– An Introduction to the Qur’aan Suhaib Hasan | An introduction to the Principles of Tafseer by Shaykh al-Islaam ibn Taymiyyah | The Tafseer Soorah an-Naba, Soorah Nazi’aat | Soorah Fatihah, Ayyat al-Kursi and others by Dr. Saleh as-Saleh.
Hadeeth– Summarized edition of Saheeh Bukhari | Introduction to the sciences of Hadeeth | An introduction to the Sunnah by Sohaib Hasan | The Hadeeth is a Proof in Itself by Shaykh Naasir ad-Deen Al-Albanee | Forty Hadeeth by Imaam An-Nawawi
Others – The Prophet’s Prayer by Shaykh Naasir ad-Deen Al-albanee |
Inviting the Righteous and the Students of Knowledge to Visit your HOME
“My Lord, forgive me and my parents and whosoever enter my house, a believer, believing men and believing women. And do not increase the wrong-doers in destruction.” [Soorah an-Nuh (28)]
It is essential to be very careful about those, who enter your HOMES, since it has a great effect on your family members, their behavior and character. Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said regarding the right company:
“Souls are like troops collected together and those who familiarized with each other (before the beginning of the world) would have affinity with one another (in the world) and those amongst them who opposed each other (before the beginning of the world) would also be divergent (in the world).” [Saheeh Muslim (6376)]
Bad company may ruin ones life in this world and the Hereafter. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said while passing through one of the grave-yards:
“These two persons are being tortured not for a major sin (to avoid).” The he added: “Yes (they are being tortured for a major sin). Indeed, one of them never saved himself from being soiled with his urine while the other used to go about with calumnies (to make enmity between friends).” [Saheeh al-Bukharee (1/215)]
One should invite righteous people and the students of knowledge as the carrier of musk will either lay down a good example, or you will be influenced by them and the children and the family can also benefit by listening to them.
A sign of the righteous is recitation of the Qur’aan, the prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “A believer who recites is like a citron whose fragrance is sweet and whose taste is sweet. A believer who does not recite the Qur’aan is like a date, which has no fragrance but has sweet taste. A profligate (inattentive) who recites the Qur’aan is like basil whose fragrance is sweet but whose taste is bitter and the profligate who does not recite the Qur’aan is like the colocynth, which has a bitter taste and has no fragrance. A good companion is like musk; even if nothing of it goes to you, its fragrance will reach you. A bad companion is like a man who has bellows; if its (black) soot does not reach you, its smoke will reach you.” [Abu Dawood (4811)]
For those who Accept the Invitation
It is recommended for him who accepts the invitation to make Du’aa for the host, after he has finished eating, using one of the following prayers:
“Allahumma Baarik lahum fima razaktahum wagfir lahum war-Hamhum”
“O Allah, forgive them, have mercy on them and bless them in that which You have granted them.” [Saheeh Muslim]
“Allahumma at’im man atamani waski man sakani”
“O Allah, feed the one who feeds me and give drink to the one who gives me.” [Saheeh Muslim and Ahmad]
“Aftara ‘indakum as-saaimoon wa-akala ta’aamakum abraar, wa-sallat ‘alaykum al-malaaikah”
“May the righteous eat your food, may the Angels send their prayers upon you, and may fasting ones break fast in your house.” [(Authentic) Ahmad, Bayhaqee and others]
Spreading Good manners and Gentleness in the HOME
The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “If Allah, the Most High and the Most Majestic, intends good for the people, He puts within them gentleness.” [Musnad Ahmad (6/71)]
Gentleness is one of the means to peace and happiness in the HOME.
Gentleness with the spouse and children is very beneficial and the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) is reported to be very kind and helpful to his wives and children. He was a man amongst men who used to patch up his clothes, he used to milk his goat and serve himself. [Sisilah al-Ahaadeeth (671)]
Being playful with one’s wife and children is another reason of extending happiness in the house.
The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “Everything which does not contain the dhikr of Allah is amusement and play, except four: A man playing with his wife…” [Sunan Nisa’ee]
And Aa’ishah (radhi allahu anha) said: “I and the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam)used to bathe together from one pot in our house. The pot used to be between me and him, he used to race with it and I used to say: ‘Leave some, leave some.” She said they both used to be in janaba.”
Many instances can be found regarding being kind and playful with the children. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) used to be very kind to children. He used to talk to them in a gentle way, stroke their heads, carry them on his back and give them dates before he ate one. He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “The one who is not merciful, will not have mercy shown to him.” [Saheeh al-Bukharee]
Narrated Ibn Abbas (radhi allahu anhu), when the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) arrived in Makkah, the small children of Banee ‘Abd al-Mutallib (a tribe) welcomed him, he put one of them on his back and carried one of them in his arms.” [Saheeh al-Bukharee]
Narrated Abdullah ibn Ja’far (radhi allahu anhu): “Whenever the Prophet came back from a journey he would meet us. Once he met me, al-Hasan, and al-Husayn. He carried one of us in his arms and the other on his back until we entered al-Madeenah.” [ Muslim, Abu Dawood and Ibn Majah]
Discipline among the Family
Strict time keeping in the House: A Strict timetable in the house should be formed, for example eating timings, all members of the family should eat together, sleeping timings, wake up early, no late-nights etc…
The HOME should not resemble a hotel, where people act according to their desires
Guarding the Secrets of the House
The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “From amongst the most evil of people with Allah on the Day of Judgement is a man who has relationship with his wife and she with him, then he spreads her secrets.” [Saheeh Muslim (4/157)]
Also, the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) once said: “Perhaps a man will say what he does with his family, and the woman will inform what she did with her husband.” The people were silent, but a woman Asmaa bint Yazeed said: “By Allah, O Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam)! The women do this, and indeed the men also do that.” He replied: “Do not do that, for it is like a male Shaytaan meeting a female Shaitaan in the road and they have relations while the people are watching.” [Musnad Ahmad (6/457)]
Thus, one should not spread the marital matters outside the house, and act upon the saying of Allah:“And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator (mediator) from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is Ever Knowing and Acquainted.” [Soorah an-Nisa (4): 35]
Seeking Permission to Enter: Allah says: “O you who believe! Do not enter houses other than your own houses until you ascertain welcome and greet their inhabitants. That is best for you; perhaps you will be reminded. If you do not find anyone therein, so not enter, until the permission has been given to you. If it is said to you: Go back, then go back; it is purer for you. And Allah is knowing of what you do.” [Soorah an-Noor (24): 27-28]
“And it is not righteousness to enter houses from the back, but righteousness is in one who fears Allah. And enter houses from their doors. And fear Allah, that you may succeed.”[Soorah al-Baqarah (2): 189]
“Whenever the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) asked permission to enter, he knocked the door thrice with a greeting and whenever he spoke a sentence (said a thing) he used to repeat it thrice.” [Saheeh al- Bukharee]
When she reached his house, Zaynab, the wife of Ibn Mas’ood, came and asked permission to enter. It was said: “O Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) it is Zaynab” He asked: “Which Zaynab?” The reply was: ‘the wife of Ibn Mas’ood’. He said: “Yes, allow her to enter.” So she was admitted.” [Saheeh al-Bukharee (2/541)]
One should not enter the house if permission is not granted: Abu Sa’eed al-Khudree (radhi allahu anhu) said: “Abu Moosa (radhi allahu anhu) came as if he was scared, and said: ‘I asked permission to enter Umar’s house three times, but I was not given permission, so I returned.’ (When Umar knew about this) he said to Abu Moosa: “Why did you not enter?” Abu Moosa replied: “I asked the permission three times and I was not given it, so I returned for the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “If any one of you asks permission thrice to enter and permission is not given, then he should return…” [Saheeh al-Bukharee ]
Order for the Children and Servants not to enter the Bedroom
The children and servants are ordered not to enter the bedroom of the husband and wife without permission, during the times of sleep and rest. These are before the dawn, after the ishaa prayer and the time of the mid day nap. There is a threat that they may intrude on their privacy and Allah says: “O you who believe! Let those whom your right hands possess and those who have not yet reached puberty among you ask permission of you (before entering) during three times; before the dawn prayer, and when you put aside your clothing (for rest) at noon, and after the night prayer. (These are) three times of privacy for you. There is no blame on you, nor upon them beyond these (periods), for they (habitually) circulate among you and each other. Thus does Allah make clear to you the verses, and Allah is Knowing and Wise.” [Soorah an-Noor (24): 58]
It is Forbidden to Spy
It is forbidden to look into other people’s houses without their permission. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “…If someone peeps into your house without your permission, and you throw a stone at him and damage his eyes, there will be no blame on you.” [Saheeh al-Bukharee (9/26)]
And: “If anyone peeps into the house of a people without their permission and he knocks out his eye, Qasas (punishment) nor diya (blood-money) is incurred for his eye.” [Abo Dawood (5153)]
One must come to the door seeking permission and avoid looking in if the door is open. When Sa’d ibn abee Waqqas (radhi allahu anhu) came and stood at the door, the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “Stand away from it, (stand) this side or that side. Asking permission is meant to escape from the look.” [Aboo Dawood (5155)]
Hanging the stick where it may be seen: One of the ways to teach good manners, is hanging of a stick in the house where it will be a threat. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “Hang the sticks where they can be seen by the people of the house, because it is a way of teaching manners to them.” [Tabaree and Silsilah as-Saheehah]
The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) also said: “Order your children to perform the prayer when they are seven, and spank them when they are ten.” [Aboo Dawood]
One should not resort to hitting without a need of it, because hanging the stick does not mean to hit them, it is merely to teach them manners and it is not the only way of teaching manners, Allah says:“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devotedly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As for those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all).” [Soorah An-Nisa (4): 34]
One may also boycott anyone for a sin as Aa’ishah (radhi allahu anha) said: “Whenever the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) heard anyone from his household tell a lie he would boycott them until he saw that they had repented.” [Ahmad (6/152), and in Saheeh al-Jaami (4675)]