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Muslim woman leaves Cambridge PhD studies to become wife 2 of 3

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By: Sam Creighton

Sourcedailymail.co.uk

Studying for a PhD in engineering at Cambridge, she might not seem like  a prime candidate to  enter into a polygamous marriage.

But that is what Nabilah Phillips did, dropping out of university to become the second woman married to businessman Hasan Phillips who has since acquired a third wife.

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Mufti Menk: How I Balance Between My Mother & Wife (Video)

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info-pictogram1 An Equitable Balance between One’s Mother and Wife.

The Best of You is whoever treats His Wife Kindly

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In Islam, the relationship between husband and wife is a strong bond to be nurtured with kindness, love and mercy. It is so significant that Allah Almighty mentions it in the Qur’an as one of His great signs in the world: {And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought} (Ar-Rum 30:21) Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) is the role model for every Muslim in all aspects of life. When you read about the Prophet’s treatment of his wives, you will be amazed by the great level of care, gentleness, love and compassion he showed them.

60 ways to keep your wife happy

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By: Mufti Faraz al-Mahmudi

Source: muslimvillage.com

  1. Make her feel secure; QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE!
  2. When you go home say ‘Assalamualikum.’ (Greetings) It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!
  3. Prophet salallahu alahi wasallam described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel thats fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.
  4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as its a type of slandering.
  5. Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED
  6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.
  7. AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudhu at all times. Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said if you are angry, sit down, if you’re sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!
  8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!
  9. Dont be rigid. It will break you. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said ‘I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife’. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.
  10. Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER
  11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. A pious person once said said ‘When Allah wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves’.
  12. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet Mohammed salallahu alaihi wasallam called Aisha ‘ya Aa’ish’ as an endearment.
  13. Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.
  14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!
  15. All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah will put barakah in your marriage.
  16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.
  17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relatives and her parents.
  18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.
  19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realise that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.
  20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Gifts increases love.
  21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!
  22. We have a demand from Allah that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.
  23. Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. Its like putting a hole in your memory. Don’t save it in your memory!
  24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.
  25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha radiallahu anha used to get jealous.
  26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your successes.
  27. Don’t put your friends above your wife.
  28. Help your wife at home. Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.
  29. Help her respect your parents, you cant force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.
  30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.
  31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.
  32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. Its not your business. The past is for Allah.
  33. Don’t try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. Its also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah.
  34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say I have made a person steal, or I have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say I have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.
  35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam) taught us this. Its a blessing. The food doesnt just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.
  36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devilsand shaitaan.
  37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. ITS A CHARITY.
  38. Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn’t like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don’t ignore them as it can become big.
  39. Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam ‘if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.’ It confirms that the prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.
  40. Respect her thinking. It’s a strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.
  41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.
  42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.
  43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah.
  44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.
  45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.
  46. Let her know you are travelling. Don’t tell her out of the blue as it’s against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.
  47. Don’t leave the house as soon as trouble brews.
  48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.
  49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together, or recite the Qur’an together or read an Islamic book together.
  50. Know her rights, not only written in paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.
  51. Allah said ‘live with your wives in kindness.’ Treat them with kindness and goodness. It means in happy times and in sadness treat her with goodness and fairness.
  52. Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam showed that at the time of intimacy Be caring and respectful.
  53. When you have a dispute with your wife dont tell everyone. Its like leaving your wounds open to germs so be careful who you share your problems and disputes with.
  54. Show your wife you really care for her health. Good health of your wife is your good health. To care for her health shows her that you love her.
  55. Don’t think you are always right. No matter how good you are you have shortcomings. You are not perfect as the only one who was perfect in character was the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. Get rid of this disease.
  56. Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.
  57. Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy when she is weak or strong as she is the fragile vessel. Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said that your wife is a trust in your hand.
  58. Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship.
  59. Accept her as she is. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said that women are created from the rib which is bent. If you try to straighten her you will break her (divorce). Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said that you may dislike one habit in her but you will like another manner in her so accept her as she is.
  60. Have good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times. Allah said Among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.
May Allah fill our homes and hearts with tranquillity, love and mercy now and forever!!!

“I Lost Everything”: Israeli Strike Wipes Out Gazan Man’s Family (Video)

Source: http://humanizepalestine.com/

info-pictogram1 Hassan al-Hallaq, father of Kenan and Saji, survived the strike, but he lost his wife and sons. He speaks about his beautiful family in the interview above. This man is mourning the death of his wife and children after two Israeli missiles slammed into the building they were staying in on Sunday, killing Hassan Al Hallaq’s pregnant wife, his two sons, his mother, his sister and another child. They died despite the fact that Al Hallaq had earlier moved his family to the center of Gaza City at the behest of Israel, after it had warned Gazans living along the border to vacate for their own safety. More than 70 percent of those killed in Gaza have been civilians, the United Nations says.

10 habits of highly effective Muslim husbands

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Alhamdullilah, I have been married for almost three years now and I feel that Muslim Marriage is one of the most beautiful gifts that Allah has given to Muslims in this world.

However, Muslim Marriage doesn’t come easy right away. Actually, many husbands today have been spoiled by family or their environment or even society and media. This has caused us to lose our manliness and personal striving that our forefathers and great men in the history of Islam had.

Now, as a Muslim Husband in this generation, I know how important and necessary it is for every Muslim Husband to work hard at their marriage in order for this Ummah to be strong again. After all, without the Muslim Family foundation, all other foundations cannot be formed.

I’ve put together some habits as a personal reminder to myself first and hopefully it can benefit Muslim Husbands out there who want to create a blissful marriage. Some ideas presented are from what I’ve read and heard and some are from experience. Take what applies to you and act on it.

So, let’s start…

1. Exercising, Staying Fit and Healthy

Sorry, brothers, you know this was coming. It is important that we stay healthy, exercise and keep fit for our wives and children. Many of us let ourselves go after marriage when it should be the other way around. When we are fit, we can do more for our wives and children. We also feel good that we are a strong contributing member of the Ummah.

My wife told me a story of how she was visiting a Muslim country recently and saw many couples where the wife was still dressed up nicely but the husband had totally let himself go.

I’m not asking everyone to be Arnold Schwarzenegger but to exercise so that when your kids are 12 years old, you can still kick a soccer ball with them. Because of my career in the software industry, I have to especially work hard at it as it is so easy for me to slack off (which I already have on a few occasions).

Doing what you enjoy will also help you stay fit. You don’t have to lift weights to stay in shape. As long as whatever you do helps you maintain a healthy, fit, Islamic lifestyle.

Also, it is imperative to eat a healthy diet. It doesn’t make much sense to work-out and stay fit and indulge in sweets and desserts everyday. Having a sweet tooth my whole life, I have now limited my sweet intake to one day of the week and have noticed positive changes like having more energy.

2. Dress well and with Ihsan (Excellence)

This is something I had to work on as I was never a good dresser when growing up. It doesn’t mean you have to wear rich expensive clothes. It means that your clothes are in good condition and you look presentable.

Muslims in history were known to dress excellently and to take care of their bodies. In the middle ages, Muslim Spain had running water and baths while the rest of Europe hardly washed their bodies.

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to wear Musk to smell good.

Prophetic Saying:

Muslim narrated that Abu Sai’d Al-Khudri said that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The best type of perfume is Musk.”

Try to buy quality over price or quantity as this is what dressing with Ihsan (Excellence) is about. At the end of the day, your wife will be happy with you and be thinking “MashaAllah.”

3. Read

It is no surprise that the first word revealed from the Quran to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was “Read…” (Surah Alaq 96:1).

I always struggled with reading growing up as I was too preoccupied with TV and video games. Even though I excelled in school, reading was always a chore and I didn’t do a lot of it.

However, as a Muslim Husband, reading is an important skill to have. Not only will it enrich you with more knowledge, it can also help with your communication and conversation skills with your wife and children. You will have much more interesting and important things to say and teach your children too.

Especially in today’s age of changing media and technology, if you are not reading and learning, you will be more susceptible to negative influences around you.

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Your wife has the greatest right to your affection and gentle kindness.

gb copy Your wife has the greatest right to your affection and gentle kindness.
es copy Su esposa tiene el mayor derecho a su afecto y bondad suave.
nl copy Uw vrouw heeft de grootste recht om uw genegenheid en zachte vriendelijkheid.
fr copy Votre femme a le plus grand droit de votre affection et de la bonté douce.
de copy Ihre Frau hat das größte Recht, Ihre Zuneigung und sanfte Güte.
CN67867 Nǐ lǎopó yǒu nǐ de gǎnqíng hé wēnróu shànliáng de zuìdà quánlì.
Sweden Din fru har störst rätt till din tillgivenhet och mild vänlighet.
rus7897 Vasha zhena imeyet naibol’sheye pravo na vashey lyubvi i nezhnoy dobrotoy.
4523turkey Karınız sevgi ve nazik nezaket için büyük hakkı vardır.
images Tua moglie ha la più grande a destra al vostro affetto e gentile gentilezza.
indonesiaID Istrimu memiliki hak untuk terbesar sayang dan kebaikan lembut.

Managing Our Emotions for Success in Dunya and Akhirah

We constantly juggle multiple roles in our life. As a family member, professional and a friend, we deal with a variety of situations. Not only does this challenge us to be emotionally smart, it also challenges us to avoid the trap of a negative emotional state. So we need to make a choice to master our emotions. Do we handle our emotions or will our emotions handle us?

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Let’s take a look at an example.

It’s a common scenario for a husband to quarrel with his wife because of work stress. These unfair and undue outbursts damage our personality and relations. How do we ensure that we are in control of our emotions to purify our hearts and protect the relationships we have with others?

 Step 1: Recognise and Accept that You Are in Control of Your Emotions

First, we need to convince ourselves that we are in full control of our emotions. We cannot blame anyone else for any emotion residing inside of us. Of course, there can be external triggers, unexpected events and piled up work. All of these are beyond our control, but what remains within the hold of our fist is how we react to all this craziness.

It is interesting to note how we tune ourselves to react in a certain way in a given scenario. For instance, we have programmed ourselves to get angry if someone horns at us during traffic rush hour. We have programmed ourselves to shout back if someone uses a harsh tone with us. And interestingly enough, we have programmed ourselves to smile and relax when someone says, “Sorry”.

By doing this, we become a puppet in control of words, tones and scenarios. If we start emotionally detaching ourselves from these triggers that we have programmed ourselves with, we can be more intelligent in crisis situations. People who react to every word and action coming their way are so caught up in dealing with their emotions, that they waste major part of their energy and time entangled in this self-created state of mind.

Step 2: Identify the Reasons for Emotional Outbursts

  1. Love of world
    Controlling our reactions is important. Equally important is the need to take a closer look at our lifestyles. Too much love of worldly possessions creates fear of loss and depression. So limit your wants by knowing your needs. Avoid indulgence.
  2. Lack of proper nutrition
    Eating inorganic, fast food and lack of routine in proper eating habits causes bad mood. If one does not eat at proper intervals, or if one starves for too long only to fill up the stomach with junk food, then the brain is confused to the extent that it treats hunger as stress. The body responds to hunger not by eating (because it is not trained to), but rather by shouting, screaming and showing irritation.
  3. Lack of proper sleep
    Agitation is also a common reaction to sleep deprivation. A healthy, sound sleep makes us happy and relaxed. By staying up for too long we become irritable and angry.One more important factor that keeps people away from emotional stability is uncontrolled thoughts. Have you ever noticed that your last thought before going to sleep is the first one that you have when you wake up? Our brain is engaged the whole night nurturing our thoughts. So make a dua, thank Allah (glorified and exalted be He) and think positive as you lie down to sleep. Avoid horror movies or late night talks.

Step 3: Take Positive Action to Manage Your Emotions

  1. Counsel yourself
    Some people spend the whole day wondering if their neighbour’s laughing at them, if people like their shoes, if someone thinks they are stupid etc. Avoid suspicion and rid yourself on any thought that keeps recurring endlessly.Another great way to reduce emotional crisis is to keep looking at the bigger picture. Keep telling yourself that this world and everything in it is a timely setup – a trial for our character and it will all go away. Having faith in Allah (glorified and exalted be He) and gratitude towards the smallest of blessings He has granted us can help us stay positive with what life has to offer us.”For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease” [Qur’an: Chapter 94, Verses 5-6].
  2. Take control of your mind
    Think about a joke that you heard years ago and you will find yourself laughing, as if you are heard that joke for the first time. Think about a tragedy you faced and you will find tears in your eyes.None of these two situations exist in reality right now, but our brain assumes they do. So if we can control our imagination, we can control those negative thoughts that strike us day in and day out, and then we can spend our whole life smiling while others wonder how we do that!A very effective way of controlling evil whispering away is to recite Surah Al-Falaq [Qur’an: Chapter 113, Verses 1-5] and Surah An-Nas [Qur’an: Chapter 114, Verses 1-6].There is always a brighter side to things that disturb us. Try to practice positive thinking, and if you still can’t see anything good about it, then it is an opportunity for you to practice patience and tawakkal.
  3. Remember Allah (glorified and exalted be He)
    If you find yourself over reacting to certain events, try keeping a specific dhikr for it. Dhikr keeps the heart alive.For example you can read Kalimah Tawheed when waiting for someone, or Surah Al-Ikhlas [Qur’an: Chapter 112, Verses 1-4] when angry. You can also read ayat Al-Kursi [Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verse 255] when happy and perform sujud when you hear a good news. You can train yourself to do tawbah when distressed or sick.
  4. Practice forgiveness
    The best way to come to terms with your emotions is to let go, move on and to not drag your emotional burdens with the intention to take revenge. There is no evil you can do without hurting yourself first, and there is no good that you can do without benefiting yourself. So do yourself a favour by forgiving and moving on.”And those who avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they are angry, they forgive” [Qur’an: Chapter 42, Verse 37]
  5. Follow the seerah
    Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) was the most stable personality in the history of mankind. We see an amazing balance of emotions in his seerah. The way he dealt with things is a role model for us.When Muslims won the battle of Badr and returned home, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) was told that his daughter had passed away. He did not highlight his sorrow, he did not mourn on it. He let the Muslims celebrate the victory.However during the conquest of Makkah, he did not get carried away by vindictiveness or elation. His head was down, he was remembering Allah (glorified and exalted be He) and he granted everyone a general amnesty.
  6. Manage your time
    We find ourselves badly tied up in stress, depression and sorrow when we are late for a deadline. Planning properly and doing things in time is the best way to keep your life in control. Do not procrastinate.Also remember, if you find doing something is easy now, take advantage of it. For it does not mean that it will always remain easy. So make the best use of the time as it is one of the biggest blessings of Allah (glorified and exalted be He).
  7. Always communicate honestly
    When nothing works, at least speak up. Voice it out to the people around you intelligently and politely, so they will know how you feel. It will give you the space you need until you feel emotionally stable again.But be careful in choosing the best words and best ways to let people know how you feel. Don’t let it become your weak point if you know that the other party can be manipulative, and don’t burst out in shouts and sarcasm as a defence. If people around you care for you, they will certainly facilitate, and in return you can be empathetic to them when they go through a bad time.Emotional crisis is an illusion created by human mind. Stress is not real: if it were a real thing like gravity, it would effect everyone the same way quantitatively. However these emotional crisis eat away our bottom lines. They affect our mental health, personalities and attitudes. To deal with them, the three golden principles are:Avoid: If there is an appropriate way to avoid the situation or people who trigger your stress then you should do it.Alter: Ask yourself, can I do the same thing in a less stressful way? If yes, then Do it. 

    Accept: For situations beyond our control, consider them as part of Allah (glorified and exalted be He)’s will and accept them. Develop a sense of gratitude towards Him. The more we thank Allah (glorified and exalted be He) for what is, the less we get upset for what is not.