By: Mufti Faraz al-Mahmudi
- Make her feel secure; QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE!
- When you go home say ‘Assalamualikum.’ (Greetings) It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!
- Prophet salallahu alahi wasallam described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel thats fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.
- When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as its a type of slandering.
- Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED
- Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.
- AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudhu at all times. Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said if you are angry, sit down, if you’re sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!
- Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!
- Dont be rigid. It will break you. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said ‘I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife’. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.
- Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER
- YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. A pious person once said said ‘When Allah wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves’.
- The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet Mohammed salallahu alaihi wasallam called Aisha ‘ya Aa’ish’ as an endearment.
- Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.
- Preserve your tongue! Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!
- All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah will put barakah in your marriage.
- TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.
- Encourage her to keep good relation with her relatives and her parents.
- Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.
- In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realise that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.
- Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Gifts increases love.
- Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!
- We have a demand from Allah that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.
- Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. Its like putting a hole in your memory. Don’t save it in your memory!
- Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.
- Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha radiallahu anha used to get jealous.
- Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your successes.
- Don’t put your friends above your wife.
- Help your wife at home. Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.
- Help her respect your parents, you cant force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.
- Show your wife she is the ideal wife.
- Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.
- Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. Its not your business. The past is for Allah.
- Don’t try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. Its also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah.
- Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say I have made a person steal, or I have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say I have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.
- Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam) taught us this. Its a blessing. The food doesnt just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.
- Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devilsand shaitaan.
- Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. ITS A CHARITY.
- Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn’t like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don’t ignore them as it can become big.
- Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam ‘if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.’ It confirms that the prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.
- Respect her thinking. It’s a strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.
- Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.
- Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.
- Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah.
- Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.
- Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.
- Let her know you are travelling. Don’t tell her out of the blue as it’s against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.
- Don’t leave the house as soon as trouble brews.
- The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.
- Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together, or recite the Qur’an together or read an Islamic book together.
- Know her rights, not only written in paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.
- Allah said ‘live with your wives in kindness.’ Treat them with kindness and goodness. It means in happy times and in sadness treat her with goodness and fairness.
- Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam showed that at the time of intimacy Be caring and respectful.
- When you have a dispute with your wife dont tell everyone. Its like leaving your wounds open to germs so be careful who you share your problems and disputes with.
- Show your wife you really care for her health. Good health of your wife is your good health. To care for her health shows her that you love her.
- Don’t think you are always right. No matter how good you are you have shortcomings. You are not perfect as the only one who was perfect in character was the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. Get rid of this disease.
- Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.
- Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy when she is weak or strong as she is the fragile vessel. Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said that your wife is a trust in your hand.
- Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship.
- Accept her as she is. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said that women are created from the rib which is bent. If you try to straighten her you will break her (divorce). Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said that you may dislike one habit in her but you will like another manner in her so accept her as she is.
- Have good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times. Allah said Among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.
It is one of the largest mosques in Russia and is officially known as the “The Heart of Chechnya”. Good work Sister Shilah Shaheed!
“Ramadan may take you to many places. Muslims have influenced the world in numerous ways, especially in architecture and city planning. We can find Allah’s inspiration in the strangest places! Look at this courtyard with its amazing arches. This is not Alhambra Palace in Granada. Where do you think it is? Ramadan Mubarak!
Ibn Qayyim said
“For the people of sins there are 3 great rivers with which they purify themselves in this world and if these do not suffice in purifying them, then they are purified in the river of Hellfire on the Day of Judgment:
1. a river of sincere repentance,
2. a river of good deeds that drowns the sins that surround it.
3. and a river of great calamities (that befall the sinner) that expiate (his sins)
Therefore, when Allah intends good for His slave, He enters him into one of these 3 rivers, so he comes purified and cleansed on the Day of Judgement, not requiring the fourth purification.
And the forth purification: The river of Hellfire on Yaum Al-Qiyamah.
So swim in the river of repentance and doing good deeds and have patience in the river of calamities. And do not neglect these before a day comes when you will be drowned in the river of Hell-fire whose fuel is men and stones”
[Madaarij as-Saalikeen 1/312, Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah]
As human beings we all possess a sinful nature. But as a Muslim we have to strive to step away from our nature by walking in the light of Islam. If we are not careful to resist ourselves from sin, it will weaken our souls and separate us from our Almighty Allah. On the necessity of self control, Allah says:
“And as for him who fears to stand in the presence of his lord forbids his own soul from its whims and caprices, then surely paradise is his abode”.
Consider these seven ways to control your sinful nature:
1. Know your enemy:
The most important strategy in warfare is to know the enemy. The more you know about your enemy the easier it makes your battle. Likewise, life is a battle against shaytan- The enemy of our souls- We need to study about him and his tactics he uses to lead people astray.
2. Always look to Allah for help:
Allah wants to help you and He is always with you. As Muslims we have direct access to Allah. When you wake up in the morning everyday ask Allah to protect you from evil temptations of this world. Make a habit to confess your sins and ask Allah for forgiveness before you go to bed.
3. Spend time with Allah:
A daily relationship with Allah is the basic principle to control our self from sins. Spend some time reading the Quran and indulging in Zikr. Make it a habit. It will help you to stay focused on Allah in your daily activities.
4. Avoid sinful situations:
A Muslim would be very careful to avoid sins and to avoid situations that are likely to cause sin. Sins often comes searching for you, so if you find yourself in a certain situation that you are more likely to fall in sin; it’s the time for you to walk away from that place.
5. Know the consequences:
Sin is a wall that separates us from Allah and it can enslave us and destroy our whole life. Countless lives have been ruined today because of pursuing things that Allah has forbidden. Remember that Allah has blessed with us with a healthy body and a sound mind, as a result being ungrateful for his gifts will draw severe punishments.
6. Fill your mind with Allah:
Thinking about something often can bring it to life; therefore avoid thinking about things that would arise evil temptations in your mind. Try to fill your mind with the remembrance of Allah.
7. Repent immediately when you fail:
If you fail and fall into sin, repent immediately. You should regret it and be determined never to indulge in any sinful behavior in the future.
Iman (faith) is a priceless gift from Almighty Allah. He has given it to each and every person who acknowledged him as the only one worthy of being worshiped. And it is up to us to safeguard that gift and keep it strong until we return to Allah.
Qur’an says: “Say not that you have iman, rather say that you are Muslim, for iman has not yet entered your hearts.” (49:14)
The objective of this article is to discuss some basic steps to keep your Iman strong. If you follow these instructions from top to bottom, Insha Allah you will notice a remarkable growth in your Iman.
1. Remember that Allah is always available.
There are times that you don’t feel the presence of Allah, and you think you are lonely and you have no one to let know about your struggles, but never forget that Allah is always with you; even when you feel sad or glad, He is there for you. True Iman is developed when you realize that Allah is always available.
“We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein”. (Sura 50:16)
2. Daily relationship with Allah.
Having a relationship with Allah on a daily basis is a great privilege. It’s a vital part of your spiritual life. Hence, to maintain a strong Iman you have to be in a continuous relationship with Him by spending more time in prayer and reading the Quran. Remember! Allah wants a real relationship with you, so try to spend more time with him and always be thankful for His blessings.
3. Keep in touch with a Spiritual guide.
We can understand this from our daily experiences. For example; if you want to become proficient at a particular skill, you naturally seek an experienced person to guide you. If relying upon an experienced person is necessary for these simple achievements in this world, how much more crucial it is for a strong and a firm Iman which will help us to attain success in both worlds.
4. Get involved yourself in Islamic gatherings.
Try to attend Islamic gatherings on a daily basis. This is a great way to preserve a strong Iman, because if you feel like your Iman is becoming weak and it hasn’t been as strong as it used to be, there will always be someone who will offer his support to work through your struggle.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said this regarding Islamic gatherings: “Whenever a group of people gather and remember Allah and talk about him, then they separate, It will be said to them “ Allah has forgiven your sins and replaced your bad deeds with good ones.”
5. Calling people towards Allah.
One of the most efficient ways for a strong Iman is to call people towards Allah (Da’wah). It is said that the Iman of the prophets were always on the rise because they dedicated their whole life towards Da’wah. Da’wah is an essential part of Islam, and you don’t have to wait for your Iman to be strong enough to call people towards Allah, because Da’wah itself will make your Iman Strong.
Prayer for a strong Iman:
“Our Lord! Let not our hearts deviate now after you have guided us, but grant us mercy: for you are the grantor of bounties without measure” (Ala Imran, verse-8)
Do you know any other ways that would help to keep your Iman strong? Share your comments below; so that it might encourage some other Muslim, and feel free to share this article with your friends.