Asalamwalikum (Peace Be Upon You). Many people ask themselves or people the question, “When do I know if I am ready to get married?” The question you have to ask yourself is, why are you pursuing marriage? You have friends that have just gotten married and you are caught in the hype? You are genuinely looking to get married? You are fascinated by marriage? There are a lot of reasons why people intend to get married. Your intention has to be right whether you are young or old. A lot of times, especially with young people, they think they are ready for marriage but they are not and it causes a lot heart ache in the long run and it may or may not affect you psychologically for the next person who may have pure intentions for marriage.
1. Concentrate on yourself and correct your intention. Make sure it is what you want and not just because there are summer weddings you’ve attended or because your friends are getting married and you think you are ready too. We attend weddings and we become fascinated by all the things that happen. We see two couples happy, two families happy and everyone is having a great time. We see the happiness in the face of the couple and it is what we desire, until the feeling wears off. We believe we are ready for marriage but a lot of times, our intention is not correct. We simply have the desire to get married because others are. Another reason is because we have several problems in our lives. Whether it has to do with our eman (faith), not praying salah, emotional and psychological problems and getting married won’t a lot of times solve your issues. You are only looking to get married to solve the issues and share your burden. That is not to say, being married you aren’t allow to share the burden with your spouse but this should not the be sole reason why you are pursuing marriage. Your intention has to be right, you want to get married for the correct reasons.
By: Shaikh Abdul Rahman Murphy
- There are 4 types of maturity: Financial, Spiritual, Physical, and Emotional. For most people they are lacking 2 of the 4.
- Emotional maturity is very important. How will you deal with situation if you lose job, wife can’t get pregnant, how you handle in-laws, etc. Ask yourself “Am I emotionally mature to live with someone who has different likes/dislikes?”
- You don’t have the right to judge without having communicated.
- Married life is about Mawada and Rahma (Mercy).
- If there is physical or verbal abuse, see a counselor.
- In a Muslim home there needs to be an attitude of gratitude. Think what your spouse and kids are doing, not what they are not doing. Kids thank parents. Parents thank kids.
- Romance between spouses is religious. The Prophet (SAW) said in a Hadith when asked who he loved most, it was Aisha (RA). When asked from men, then, “her father” reference still being her. He (SAW) had a nickname for her “Aish.” Find out what your spouse’s likes and dislikes are. Flowers and chocolates may work, but may not.
- Compromise is the mortar of marriage. It holds the bricks together and makes it strong. Prophet (SAW) gave in to his wives on small wishes, but never sacrificed on principles.
- Number one cause of divorce in the US is money. This is why Financial maturity is important.
- Part of the rizk (sustenance) you have been given is your health. That is physical, mental, and spiritual. You can’t neglect any of them.
- When you get angry, follow the Hadith, “The strong one is who controls himself in anger.” This requires self-control and discipline. Make wudu as water cools the fire that rages from anger.
- Put Allah back in the equation. When we look at a relationship we only think of 2 people. Don’t treat people the way they are meant to be treated. Ask yourself how are my prayers? Those who pray together, stay together.
- Make dua like you mean it.
Other things a husband can do to do to keep the spark of love alive from Sh. Faraz Ibn Adam:
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By: Nasmira Firdous
Distress, anxiety, joys, fear, worries and happiness: different facets that make up this mesmerizing sojourn called “life”. It might fascinate you with its unknown twists and turns. There are moments where you relish the joys and happiness with every breath you take. And then, there are moments when the human soul, weak in its creation but as mighty as it thinks of itself, tries to shred realities and instead, buries itself into worldly deceptions.
With the pressures of dunya that strangle us both physically and emotionally, our minds tend to lose focus and our hearts cringe with disappointments and pain. Beyond all of this, our souls end up forgetting their very purpose of existence: To worship our Creator .
In this article, let us undertake a journey that would help us free our hearts from worries, let us perform tiny little acts of acts that could weigh heavy on our scale of good deeds, helping us have an eeman high, in sha Allah.
By: Samana Siddiqui
Muslim conferences and conventions (like the one being held by the Islamic Society of North America & Muslim American Society, Imam W. D. Mohammad) are just one of the many places Muslims in North America often meet potential spouses either to make a final decision or to initiate the marriage communication process.
Other places include fundraising dinners, regional seminars, lectures, at the home of a relative or friend, and the local mosque.
Sadly though, Islamic guidelines pertaining to proper conduct between men and women are not always respected at these meetings.
It is not uncommon to see or hear about potential candidates meeting in private, brothers and sisters “scoping the territory” for a spouse that looks good at Muslim events like conferences or lectures, or starting up a flirtatious conversation with someone they are interested in. None of these things fall within the guidelines of Islam.
Below are some Islamic principles, both general and specific, to consider if you will be meeting or seeking a potential spouse for yourself or someone else at a conference, lecture, the mosque or another event: Read the rest of this entry
By: Yasmin Mogahed
And so there are some who spend their whole lives seeking. Sometimes giving, sometimes taking. Sometimes chasing. But often, just waiting. They believe that love is a place that you get to: a destination at the end of a long road. And they can’t wait for that road to end at their destination. They are those hearts moved by the movement of hearts. Those hopeless romantics, the sucker for a love story, or any sincere expression of true devotion. For them, the search is almost a lifelong obsession of sorts. But, this tragic ‘quest’ can have its costs—and its’ gifts.
The path of expectations and the ‘falling in love with love’ is a painful one, but it can bring its own lessons. Lessons about the nature of love, this world, people, and one’s own heart, can pave this often painful path. Most of all, this path can bring its own lessons about the Creator of love.
By: Sadaf Farooqi
I remember the chagrin and inner turmoil of being single and hopeful of marriage, back during my early twenties!
Even after almost a decade of marriage, I still vividly remember the constant roller-coaster of emotions that the heart experiences every time a marriage proposal is negotiated.
One thinks: Is this the one?
Will this family/person be my future spouse/in-laws?
Sometimes the marriage negotiation process painstakingly goes on for months, only to culminate in nothing. Up go one’s dreams, hopes and aspirations about the future into thin air! Once again, it is back to square one.
Tips for a Happy Marriage
Whether a young, single Muslim is a man or woman, if they are ardently desirous of completing half their Deen, the anguish and frustration (including sexual angst) they feel whenever another year of their life passes by without any impending nuptials on the horizon is, contrary to gender-discriminating cultural myths, similarly disconcerting and unnerving.
Wherever in the world they might be, as the years pass and the number of fruitless marriage proposals grows, the singleton might begin to feel despondent and worn down by this trial of patience in their quest of completing half their Deen.
So what should one tell a young forlorn wannabe bride or groom when they justifiably ask: “Why am I still unmarried?”
First of All: There Is Nothing Wrong with You!
Why Do People Have to Leave Each Other? Part I | Part II
By: Yasmin Mogahed
Leaving is hard. Losing is harder. So a few weeks ago I asked the question, ‘why do people have to leave each other?’ The answer took me into some of my life’s deepest realizations and struggles. But it has also led me to wonder: After people leave, do they ever return? After something we love is taken from us, does it ever come back? Is loss permanent—or just a means for a higher purpose? Is loss the End itself, or a temporary cure for our heart’s ailments?
Why Do People Have to Leave Each Other? Part I | Part II
By: Yasmin Mogahed
Ever since I was a child, this temperament was clear. While other children in preschool could easily recover once their parents left, I could not. My tears, once set in motion, did not stop easily. As I grew up, I learned to become attached to everything around me. From the time I was in first grade, I needed a best friend. As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me. I couldn’t let go of anything. People, places, events, photographs, moments—even outcomes became objects of strong attachment. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again.