By: Shaikh Abdul Rahman Murphy
- There are 4 types of maturity: Financial, Spiritual, Physical, and Emotional. For most people they are lacking 2 of the 4.
- Emotional maturity is very important. How will you deal with situation if you lose job, wife can’t get pregnant, how you handle in-laws, etc. Ask yourself “Am I emotionally mature to live with someone who has different likes/dislikes?”
- You don’t have the right to judge without having communicated.
- Married life is about Mawada and Rahma (Mercy).
- If there is physical or verbal abuse, see a counselor.
- In a Muslim home there needs to be an attitude of gratitude. Think what your spouse and kids are doing, not what they are not doing. Kids thank parents. Parents thank kids.
- Romance between spouses is religious. The Prophet (SAW) said in a Hadith when asked who he loved most, it was Aisha (RA). When asked from men, then, “her father” reference still being her. He (SAW) had a nickname for her “Aish.” Find out what your spouse’s likes and dislikes are. Flowers and chocolates may work, but may not.
- Compromise is the mortar of marriage. It holds the bricks together and makes it strong. Prophet (SAW) gave in to his wives on small wishes, but never sacrificed on principles.
- Number one cause of divorce in the US is money. This is why Financial maturity is important.
- Part of the rizk (sustenance) you have been given is your health. That is physical, mental, and spiritual. You can’t neglect any of them.
- When you get angry, follow the Hadith, “The strong one is who controls himself in anger.” This requires self-control and discipline. Make wudu as water cools the fire that rages from anger.
- Put Allah back in the equation. When we look at a relationship we only think of 2 people. Don’t treat people the way they are meant to be treated. Ask yourself how are my prayers? Those who pray together, stay together.
- Make dua like you mean it.
Other things a husband can do to do to keep the spark of love alive from Sh. Faraz Ibn Adam:
The IBA Iqra Society invited Sheikh Kamaluddin Ahmed’s wife ‘Alimah Sobia Ahmed’ on the 22nd of November, 2010 to deliver a lecture on the topic Romance in Islam. The following is an edited version of the notes prepared by Maliha Abidi during the lecture. It also includes some points from a lecture delivered by Alimah Sobia Qasim (a student of the speaker) at a summer program in Karachi called Footsteps.
The word “Muhabbat” comes from the Arabic word “Hubb(a)”, which literally means seed; a seed that every human being has. That is, it is important for us to realize that love (or rather, feeling (verb)) is a function of the heart, just like seeing is the function of the eye.