Asalamwalikum (Peace Be Upon You). Many people ask themselves or people the question, “When do I know if I am ready to get married?” The question you have to ask yourself is, why are you pursuing marriage? You have friends that have just gotten married and you are caught in the hype? You are genuinely looking to get married? You are fascinated by marriage? There are a lot of reasons why people intend to get married. Your intention has to be right whether you are young or old. A lot of times, especially with young people, they think they are ready for marriage but they are not and it causes a lot heart ache in the long run and it may or may not affect you psychologically for the next person who may have pure intentions for marriage.
1. Concentrate on yourself and correct your intention. Make sure it is what you want and not just because there are summer weddings you’ve attended or because your friends are getting married and you think you are ready too. We attend weddings and we become fascinated by all the things that happen. We see two couples happy, two families happy and everyone is having a great time. We see the happiness in the face of the couple and it is what we desire, until the feeling wears off. We believe we are ready for marriage but a lot of times, our intention is not correct. We simply have the desire to get married because others are. Another reason is because we have several problems in our lives. Whether it has to do with our eman (faith), not praying salah, emotional and psychological problems and getting married won’t a lot of times solve your issues. You are only looking to get married to solve the issues and share your burden. That is not to say, being married you aren’t allow to share the burden with your spouse but this should not the be sole reason why you are pursuing marriage. Your intention has to be right, you want to get married for the correct reasons.
By: Shaikh Abdul Rahman Murphy
- There are 4 types of maturity: Financial, Spiritual, Physical, and Emotional. For most people they are lacking 2 of the 4.
- Emotional maturity is very important. How will you deal with situation if you lose job, wife can’t get pregnant, how you handle in-laws, etc. Ask yourself “Am I emotionally mature to live with someone who has different likes/dislikes?”
- You don’t have the right to judge without having communicated.
- Married life is about Mawada and Rahma (Mercy).
- If there is physical or verbal abuse, see a counselor.
- In a Muslim home there needs to be an attitude of gratitude. Think what your spouse and kids are doing, not what they are not doing. Kids thank parents. Parents thank kids.
- Romance between spouses is religious. The Prophet (SAW) said in a Hadith when asked who he loved most, it was Aisha (RA). When asked from men, then, “her father” reference still being her. He (SAW) had a nickname for her “Aish.” Find out what your spouse’s likes and dislikes are. Flowers and chocolates may work, but may not.
- Compromise is the mortar of marriage. It holds the bricks together and makes it strong. Prophet (SAW) gave in to his wives on small wishes, but never sacrificed on principles.
- Number one cause of divorce in the US is money. This is why Financial maturity is important.
- Part of the rizk (sustenance) you have been given is your health. That is physical, mental, and spiritual. You can’t neglect any of them.
- When you get angry, follow the Hadith, “The strong one is who controls himself in anger.” This requires self-control and discipline. Make wudu as water cools the fire that rages from anger.
- Put Allah back in the equation. When we look at a relationship we only think of 2 people. Don’t treat people the way they are meant to be treated. Ask yourself how are my prayers? Those who pray together, stay together.
- Make dua like you mean it.
Other things a husband can do to do to keep the spark of love alive from Sh. Faraz Ibn Adam:
By: Hazrat Maulana Ahmad Sadeq Desai
Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:
“The noblest of you are those who are the noblest to their families”
“Verily, among the most perfect Believers in Imaan, are those who are best in character and kindest to their wives.”
Even lifting a morsel of food to the mouth of the wife has been given the significance of ‘ibaadat (worship). It is an act of love by which the husband derives thawaab (reward in the Hereafter).