Asalamwalikum (Peace Be Upon You). Many people ask themselves or people the question, “When do I know if I am ready to get married?” The question you have to ask yourself is, why are you pursuing marriage? You have friends that have just gotten married and you are caught in the hype? You are genuinely looking to get married? You are fascinated by marriage? There are a lot of reasons why people intend to get married. Your intention has to be right whether you are young or old. A lot of times, especially with young people, they think they are ready for marriage but they are not and it causes a lot heart ache in the long run and it may or may not affect you psychologically for the next person who may have pure intentions for marriage.
1. Concentrate on yourself and correct your intention. Make sure it is what you want and not just because there are summer weddings you’ve attended or because your friends are getting married and you think you are ready too. We attend weddings and we become fascinated by all the things that happen. We see two couples happy, two families happy and everyone is having a great time. We see the happiness in the face of the couple and it is what we desire, until the feeling wears off. We believe we are ready for marriage but a lot of times, our intention is not correct. We simply have the desire to get married because others are. Another reason is because we have several problems in our lives. Whether it has to do with our eman (faith), not praying salah, emotional and psychological problems and getting married won’t a lot of times solve your issues. You are only looking to get married to solve the issues and share your burden. That is not to say, being married you aren’t allow to share the burden with your spouse but this should not the be sole reason why you are pursuing marriage. Your intention has to be right, you want to get married for the correct reasons.
By: Shaikh Abdul Rahman Murphy
- There are 4 types of maturity: Financial, Spiritual, Physical, and Emotional. For most people they are lacking 2 of the 4.
- Emotional maturity is very important. How will you deal with situation if you lose job, wife can’t get pregnant, how you handle in-laws, etc. Ask yourself “Am I emotionally mature to live with someone who has different likes/dislikes?”
- You don’t have the right to judge without having communicated.
- Married life is about Mawada and Rahma (Mercy).
- If there is physical or verbal abuse, see a counselor.
- In a Muslim home there needs to be an attitude of gratitude. Think what your spouse and kids are doing, not what they are not doing. Kids thank parents. Parents thank kids.
- Romance between spouses is religious. The Prophet (SAW) said in a Hadith when asked who he loved most, it was Aisha (RA). When asked from men, then, “her father” reference still being her. He (SAW) had a nickname for her “Aish.” Find out what your spouse’s likes and dislikes are. Flowers and chocolates may work, but may not.
- Compromise is the mortar of marriage. It holds the bricks together and makes it strong. Prophet (SAW) gave in to his wives on small wishes, but never sacrificed on principles.
- Number one cause of divorce in the US is money. This is why Financial maturity is important.
- Part of the rizk (sustenance) you have been given is your health. That is physical, mental, and spiritual. You can’t neglect any of them.
- When you get angry, follow the Hadith, “The strong one is who controls himself in anger.” This requires self-control and discipline. Make wudu as water cools the fire that rages from anger.
- Put Allah back in the equation. When we look at a relationship we only think of 2 people. Don’t treat people the way they are meant to be treated. Ask yourself how are my prayers? Those who pray together, stay together.
- Make dua like you mean it.
Other things a husband can do to do to keep the spark of love alive from Sh. Faraz Ibn Adam:
By: Kim Stern
When you enter into a marriage, you never think about the fact that a large percentage of marriages actually fail. Marriages fail for many reasons and if you’ve had a failed marriage your main reason for failure might be different than most others. However, there are some reasons that are consistent across most failed marriages.
Take a look at my list of the 8 reasons why most fail.
By: John White
Middle Eastern men and women are some of the most attractive people in the world. They are tall, have gorgeous dark complexions, and almond shaped eyes with thick, lush lashes. Because of their diet rich in foods like avocado, couscous, pomegranate, and falafel, Middle Eastern men and women also have smooth skin which is soft to the touch and great figures (not to mention crazy libidos from all those aphrodisiacs!). The Middle East also happens to be the epicenter of the Muslim world. For people who aren’t from the Middle East or part of the Muslim tribe, Muslim dating can be incredibly confusing. Here is what you infidels need to know about dating a Muslim woman or man.
By: Hosai Mojaddidi & Dr. Nafisa Sekandari
There are a lot of single Muslims
trying to navigate their way through the marriage process. It’s not always easy
to know what’s permissible, what isn’t, what works and what doesn’t. The list
below is a great guide for anyone who is thinking about marriage and wants to
prepare in advance. It’ll help prepare
you for what to expect, what to do and what not do to before you begin your
quest for “Mr or Ms. Right” and once you start meeting potential prospects,
1) DO make Istikhara.
There’s an old Arab proverb that says,
Man proposes, God disposes.” Before actively working on oneself and
pursuing marriage through worldly means, one has to turn to Allah (swt) and
make the intention for marriage. Next, one should make the Duah of Istikhara
and put their trust in Allah’s divine decree, especially when considering a
particular candidate. Istikhara is a prescribed prayer with specific guidelines
that should be properly understood. There is also a lot of confusion about how
one “interprets” their Istikhara. Here is a good article from SeekersGuidance that helps
clarify everything one needs to know about it:
2) DO have a “checklist.”
It’s important to know what you’re
looking for in a partner and to take the extra time to put your thoughts down.
Not only does the list give you tangible things to focus on, but it can also
reveal whether or not you have your priorities down. If you notice, for
example, that most of your “requirements” are superficial in nature
then you may scale back some things and put focus on more important matters
like character, family values, and future goals. Additionally, a written
checklist can also help your friends and family who are actively on the
look-out for you to better screen potential candidates.
Marriages usually start off so nicely. Everyone cooperates-the couple, their parents, other relatives, friends. Things usually run smoothly.
But somewhere along the way, marital disputes pop up. This is of course natural, but these can escalate to dangerous levels if not dealt with correctly.
Sound Vision spoke to Shahina Siddiqui of the Islamic Social Services Association of the United States and Canada (ISSA) about tips for couples dealing with marital disputes. She pinpointed some problems and provided tips on how to deal with them.
Over the years, counsellors and therapists have developed a range of techniques to diagnose problematic marriages.
“Are you to the point that your spouse just can’t do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin? Does everything lead to an argument? Would you rather be anywhere than with your spouse? Are thoughts of divorce running through your mind on a regular basis?”