55 Important Ways to Maintain a Happy Marriage

Source: Happy Muslim Family and Friends

Marriage is a highly recommended Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (saws).

The purpose of marriage in Islam is to increase the Muslim community and not only to enjoy pleasure as Muhammad (saw) said; “Multiply your wives, multiply your children and I shall be proud of you on the Day ofJudgement.”

Although marriage is encouraged in Islam, Allah and his MessengerMuhammad (saw) haven’t left us to our rationality to discover what marriage entails and what things make a successful marriage. Thefollowing few pages highlight what makes a happy marriage based on the Qu’ran and Sunnah and how the husband and wife can gain each othersheart.

Knowing Your Enemy

Source: islamicthinkers.com

The Muslim is required to be aware, and learn about the plots and tricks of his enemy. Allah (subhaanahu wa-ta’aalaa) says in the Qur’aan:

إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ لَكُمْ عَدُوٌّ فَاتَّخِذُوهُ عَدُوًّا إِنَّمَا يَدْعُو حِزْبَهُ لِيَكُونُوا مِنْ أَصْحَابِ السَّعِيرِ

Surely, Shaytaan [Satan] is an enemy to you, so treat him as an enemy. He only invites his hizb [followers] that they may become the dwellers of the blazing Fire. (EMQ Faatir, 35:6) This verse clearly informs us of who our enemy is: Shaytaan (the devil). Allah (SWT) strictly orders us to treat our enemy as our enemy – not as a friend or ally. Consequently, it is not allowed for a believer to have any sympathy, love, affection, compassion or respect for his enemy. Allah (SWT) says:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لا تَتَّخِذُوا عَدُوِّي وَعَدُوَّكُمْ أَوْلِيَاءَ تُلْقُونَ إِلَيْهِمْ بِالْمَوَدَّةِ

O you who believe! Take not my enemies [the disbelievers] and your enemies as awliyaa’ [friends, allies, supporters, assistants etc.], showing affection towards them… (EMQ al-Mumtahanah, 60:1)

Never forget to ask Allah ta’ala for the blessing of having a successful marriage

All good things are from Allah. Never forget to ask Allah ta’ala for the blessing of having a successful marriage that begins in this Dunya and continues on – by the Mercy of Allah ta’ala – into Jannah. Real love doesn’t care about body type, model looks, or wallet size. It’s more concerned with what’s inside. Any relation does not need Powerful Eyes, Cute Voice and Lovely Face. It always needs a beautiful heart and a responsible brain with affection forever.

Your wife has the greatest right to your affection and gentle kindness.

 Your wife has the greatest right to your affection and gentle kindness.
 Su esposa tiene el mayor derecho a su afecto y bondad suave.
 Uw vrouw heeft de grootste recht om uw genegenheid en zachte vriendelijkheid.
 Votre femme a le plus grand droit de votre affection et de la bonté douce.
 Ihre Frau hat das größte Recht, Ihre Zuneigung und sanfte Güte.
 Nǐ lǎopó yǒu nǐ de gǎnqíng hé wēnróu shànliáng de zuìdà quánlì.
 Din fru har störst rätt till din tillgivenhet och mild vänlighet.
 Vasha zhena imeyet naibol’sheye pravo na vashey lyubvi i nezhnoy dobrotoy.
 Karınız sevgi ve nazik nezaket için büyük hakkı vardır.
 Tua moglie ha la più grande a destra al vostro affetto e gentile gentilezza.
 Istrimu memiliki hak untuk terbesar sayang dan kebaikan lembut.

Ten ways to avoid marrying the wrong person

The following is a useful resource we can use to help us figure out what sort of person we should marry, and can also come in handy when asking questions!

There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage. The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility. One of the biggest mistakes that many young Muslims make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know someone.

A common myth is that the duration of a courtship is an accurate enough measure of how compatible two people are. The logic follows that the longer you speak with someone, the better you will know them. The problem with that premise is that no consideration is given to how that time is spent.

Increasingly, young Muslim couples are engaging in “halal dating,” which is basically socializing with each other in the company of friends and/or family. This includes going out to dinner, watching a movie, playing some sport or other leisure activity, etc. Depending on the family or culture, conversations are either minimal & chaperoned or worse, unrestricted and unsupervised. When you consider these limitations it makes one wonder when exactly, if ever at all, would the critical conversations take place? Unfortunately, for many, the answer is never and they live to suffer the consequences. If you or someone you know is in the “getting to know someone” phase, the following guide offers advice on exactly what to look for and avoid:

1) Do Not Marry Potential: 

Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

2) Choose Character over Chemistry: 

While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love. The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:

1. Humility: 
The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort. They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.

2. Kindness:
The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money? How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger?

3. Responsibility: 
A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character. You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.

4. Happiness:
A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have. They very rarely complain.