Q&A: How can I stop thinking about women?

Question:

How can I stop thinking about women? I try too fast but don’t have enough money to get married and I try to lower my gaze but it’s so difficult. Please advise.

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Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

Thank you for your question.

Allah says in the Quran:

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)…” [Surat al-Nur: 30]

Al-Junayd (rahimahullah) was asked: “With what do we seek help to lower our gaze?”

He replied: “Your knowledge that Him looking upon you precedes whatever you look at.”

In regard to these verses Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullah) says: “So He (Allah) put purity after lowering of the gaze and protecting of the private parts. For this reason lowering the gaze away from the prohibited things warrants three great benefits. The first of them is the sweetness of Imaan and the pleasure that comes from it, which is more sweet and pleasing than that which he diverted his eyes away from for Allah’s sake. Verily, whoever abandons a thing for Allah’s sake, He (Subhaanahu WaTa’ala) compensates him with better than it…The second benefit is a light in the heart and quality of intuition… and the third benefit is the strength of the heart and steadfastness and courage. So Allah (Subhaanahu WaTa’ala) would give him, by His strength, the ability of wisdom and substantiation, and the devil would flee from him as it has been mentioned in the saying, “Whoever fears his whims, the devil would race out of his shadow.”

So part of the answer dear brother is recognizing that Allah is watching you and that by looking at that which He has forbidden, you risk losing the opportunity to see Him on the Day of Judgment.

As far as practical tips are concerned:

1. Install a firewall on your computer/laptop that filters lewd material
2. Enroll in a program online to help you deal with pornography. Purify your gaze is one that I would recommend.
3. Try not to put yourself in a situation that will make it harder for you. So avoid places that will cause your gaze to wander and also being alone with your computer/laptop/TV.
4. Fasting controls ones desires and builds that consciousness in Allah needed to fight this disease.
5. Remind yourself frequently of the reward of paradise for lowering your gaze.

May Allah make it easy for you and grant you strength and firmness. Ameen

And Allah knows best.

Answered by Shaykh Omar Suleiman
Hadith of the Day Imam
Director – Islamic Learning Foundation